The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
