Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
