i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
