Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
