i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize