so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
