is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
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I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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