escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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