all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
