How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
