I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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