I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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