Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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