Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
