i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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