im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
