ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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