What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
