do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
