Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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