Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
