just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
