Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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