Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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