then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
