Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
