I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
