Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
