I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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