im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
