we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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