Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize