Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
