i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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