um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
