Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
