Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
