At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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