my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I touched a dick in church today
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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