I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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