I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
