Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
