Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
