She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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