I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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