a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
