Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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