If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
