I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
