I like my sex mixed with concussions.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
