PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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