none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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