She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
