I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
