So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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