Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
