Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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