I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
