Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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