how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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