apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
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Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
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You are the jesus of drinking
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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