i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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