He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
