Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
