You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
