I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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