Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
